Filling the Hole in our Hearts

By Christine Rose

Part 1

When I was young, † my parents never had to worry about guns or violence in our schools.† Technology was a telephone and a television, and we were living large! Today, kids go through toys and fads in the wink of an eye. When was the last time you saw a teenager voluntarily making eye contact with anything but their digital camera, their iPod or the latest phone that does everything under the sun?

Are your children grateful for all of these toys? Maybe sometimes, especially if they have worked to gain them, but very often, our children seem to have a sense of entitlement about their techno-gadgets. Unless our kids are exposed to poverty, they can have no understanding that many in our country go without basic needs such as socks and underwear, even food. They don't have any understanding of the difference between Rights and Privileges.

When you were growing up, how many times did you hear about the starving children in India? How much of an impact did that have on you? Probably not much. The media is no help. Foreign scenes have no relevance to children's lives but those commercials constantly promotes More! More! More! sure speak to them. And sadly, MORE is what our children have come to expect they deserve. Did you hear about the gunman who fell to his knees in prayer with the woman he was about to rob? He wanted the money to buy his daughter a birthday present. How many of us would have gladly given him $20 for his daughter? I know I would.

Unless your kids are in some sort of community service program, there is no way they can know firsthand just how dire life can be for thousands of people in this country.

Yet its the wealthiest children, who have so much, that seem to be bored and dissatisfied. No matter what they've been given, they are not happy for long.† They may yearn for some toy or other, but within days or weeks of getting what they want, they lose interest in it and want the next one.† Why does it always seem that the thing their best friend has is so much better than what they themselves have?† And how many parents of teenagers feel like the souls of their children have been sucked into the latest technological instrument? Worst of all, how many teens are drinking, doing drugs and having random sex? Want to know how this all ties together? Our kids have holes in their souls.

While there are many wonderful things about our culture, there are also many gaps.  Even as adults we strive to keep up with the Joneses, or spend endless amounts of money on fashion.  But shopping is not the way to achieve happiness!  If we are only focusing on dressing up our exteriors, without freshening up the interior, we will never feel complete.  But what can we do? How do we do that?  How do we create a beautiful interior…or soul?

Ghandi said that the best way to find yourself is by losing yourself in the service of others.  Mothers do this automatically by putting their children's needs first, but a truly spiritual person would somehow serve the world in exactly the same way. Throughout spiritual literature, whether the scriptures of Christ, Buddha, Ghandi or anyone else, you will find that putting others before yourself is a spiritual philosophy.  It is a tough philosophy to teach our kids when there is nothing in our culture that requires that of us.  When you think about it, how does the idea of being required to serve others make you feel? Bored? Tired? Stressed?

Have you ever called upon God for help? Most people have at one time or another. But an interesting fact is that God calls upon us for help, too. You want blessings? Answer God's call for help and you can be sure your own calls will be answered promptly.

God expects us to sharing our bounty.  There is no such a thing as being “generous to a fault.”  But it is hard to share when nothing in this country encourages us to do so. In fact, the American way is, “God helps those who help themselves.” So why do we need to share our wealth with those outside of family members or friends in crisis?    Many people believe if anyone in this country is poor, it is their own fault.  This being the land of Opportunity, why should we share with the poor, anyway?

Well, lets start with the kids.  Do you ever feel like you cannot come up with a good reason why your children should share? If you have a comfortable amount of money, and you can afford for each of your children to have his or her own possessions, do you wonder, “Why do  they have to share? What is the point?” 

Sometimes it is a hard question to answer.  Tantrums are often the result of forcing an unwilling child to share, so where is the benefit?   I promise you, if you always give in when the tantrums start, you may be saving yourself a moments peace, but stand back because the person you are creating might very possibly grow up to be a selfish, self-serving, manipulative child who will do anything to get what he or she wants, because they will believe they are entitled to what they want.  And wait until that child becomes a teenager!  Boy, will you be sorry then!

Little in life is harder than getting a four year old to share their favorite toys!†  †When we know how much a child values their treasures, we usually allow them to keep it for themselves and dismiss any idea that they should share the things they care so deeply about.† When we do not understand why they really must share, it makes it very hard to force the issue.

Children need to be taught to share, and the more valued the toy, the more they should learn to share it.†  It's easy to give up the things we no longer want but all of the best spiritual qualities come up when someone asks us to give up something precious.  Feeling compassion for someone else's need over possessive  ownership is a beautiful thing.  Putting another's happiness before our own is selfless and generous.  No one will ever dislike another person for those qualities! 

Materialism is a spiritual issue and is more recent then you might think.† In times gone by,  not even so long ago, in our own culture as well as many others,† materialism was not such a priority.† Sharing was a way of life.  People lived in smaller communities all over the world, and most people had farms or small businesses or cottage industries.  Trading was acceptable when one did not have the money to purchase needed goods.  Before communities became so large, when people knew all of their neighbors and generations of families remained in the same place, everyone knew who was in need and helped them out.  Some cultures peoples were so enmeshed in their community that they rejected any idea  of ownership.   Sharing what they had with their community assured they too would be taken care of. 

Until the Europeans got here, Native currency was simply trading.  Trading and sharing.  Even today I have friends who live on reservations who lend out their possessions to those who need it, and those possessions may pass through many hands before it is returned again, when the original owner needs it.

I have a friend who lives on a Reservation in the South West who told me that when someone on her block got a washing machine, the whole community came to do their wash.  She told this story with her delightful giggle, and I can only imagine the looks in the rest of this country if that happened on their own suburban Main Street. 

Another story that I love is of a man who told a friend of mine about having spent $1400 on school clothing for the kids.  My friend was stunned, knowing that he only had four children, and he asked him, “Why did you spend so much?”  The man replied, “I am the only person on the block with a job.  I bought for all of the kids on my street.”  Isn't that a beautiful story? Can you imagine doing the same? 

It is not impossible to imagine that the day may come when we are completely reliant on others.  Look at what happened with Hurricane Katrina!  If there were a major catastrophe, we might soon find that all but the most important goods become unnecessary.  We revel in so many man made goods, but in the past, there was much more respect for the things that God created.† That respect came from understanding that nature was the provider of what we needed to survive.† People took care of nature† because they understood† that nature took care of us.† There was a definite connection and respect for the relationship between man and nature that has disappeared with the growth of large corporations and  mass production.†

Farmers in the mid-west heartland are heavily impacted by the  decades of pesticide use that destroyed the nutrients of their land and has poisoned the water.†  In South Dakota, cancer rates are through the roof, the infant mortality rates are among the highest in the country, and many people are suffering painful digestive ailments and cancer of the breast, stomach, intestine and other organs.  Ranchers and Native Americans are now working together to return the earth and its water to its original condition,  because those ranchers now really understand the connection between their life and the land.

But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee:

   Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee.  Job 12.

Indians and animals know better how to live than white man; nobody can be in good health if he does not have all the time fresh air, sunshine, and good water.  Flying Hawk (1852–1931)  chief (Oglala Sioux)

In suburban life that real, connected respect for the connection between nature and man is long gone, though of course, many people are striving today to be more aware of how their actions effect the earth.  However, that does not help the kids understand the spiritual connection to the earth as provider, and is one of the reasons our children do not show the kind of respect and appreciation we want to see in them in other areas as well.†  As far as they know, money does grow on trees, and there is an endless supply...or at least that is how they act.

When people are disconnected from their spiritual selves and the sustaining world around us, we not only do not appreciate what we have, but many people feel lost.  This disconnection with nature and each other causes people to become depressed.  This is why so many people have a hard time finding meaning in their work or their lives.† That's when the Prozac and excessive shopping comes in.  What do you think people watched before TV? The rivers flowing. The birds flying. The clouds passing. All of that allowed our brains some down time, rather then filling it up with More! More! More!

If we restore our connection with nature and our responsibility for each other's happiness and well being in order to survive, our responses to the food we eat and the gifts we receive will be very different, and much more meaningful.†

† As it is now, we work as hard as we can to achieve the most that we can, and to be proud of the amount we accumulate.† We are patted on the back for our accomplishments and encouraged to “do our best.” † † For the majority of the middle class, survival is assured, and financial achievement is admired. So where is the real meaning of life?  In our boat?  Our home?  Has a shallow ring to it, doesn't it?

Materialism make us believe that we are just one possession short of happiness, which is why nothing will ever satisfy us for long.  Unless we fill ourselves up with spiritual nourishment, we will be left with a hole in our gut, never knowing what it is we are really starving for. When you are hungry, do you want a meal or a sugar high, followed by the crash? Think about what you are using to fill up your soul. Think about what you are really hungry for, and think about what you want to feed your kids. Surely a hollow heart is as tragic as a hollow stomach. Surely inner strength comes from a well balanced diet of Spiritual Living.